I really don't appreciate being yelled at the minute I walk inside from umpiring a game of baseball. You tell me to go do all this fucking stuff, and yeah, I will do them.. not when my hands are fucking freezing though. I wanted a mug of hot chocolate and just relax for ten minutes until my hands warmed up. But no, that makes me fucking lazy, right? And that just started the rant of how I do nothing right. I've heard this at least a billion times before, mom. I FUCKING GET IT. You think I'm a lazy, self centered asshole who fails at life. A mistake. And then when I call myself these things, you get pissed off at me! Well, ever heard of the fact where if people call you something for long enough, they believe it? Yeah, I do believe now that I'm just a big fuck up who should go die. It's not like you would miss me. Sometimes, I think nobody would to be honest. But especially you mom. If I told you about my issues, well, that would just be the fucking icing on the cake now, wouldn't it? So instead, I hide behind this mask and occasionally you'll see me explode... but I haven't hit the breaking point yet. But I can almost 100% guarantee that you'll be the one that pushes me over the edge.
I was doing so fucking well. It had been one week since I injured myself. And now I'm back to 0 days. I am just a big fucking screw up.
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