So, I'm sitting up here being all sad and my dad is downstairs and that makes me start to cry uncontrollably. He is so great to me, and I love him to pieces but I'm a selfish person and is always upset for no fucking reason. This is my second time crying today. At baseball I kept fucking up and just got frustrated with myself. I felt so stupid and weak. Everyone could see me crying and all the girls were fucking amazing and telling me it was okay to make mistakes and all that, and I kept sniffling because they're just... amazing people. And now once again I'm crying because I'm always upset inside and I have no reason to be. None. I see all this shit people go through and mine isn't even 0.1% comparably bad. So I'm crying. My frustrations are just all being let out by tears.
I think I may have burned myself on purpose. I was burning a page in my journal in frustration and I just... let part of my finger touch the flame. It stung and now there is a blister forming. I just can't deal with all my emotions.
There is too much going on in my head right now. None of it makes any sense.
19 days. Back to 0. What else is new in my fucked up head?
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