Friendship. It can make, or break a person. There are a lot of elements to friendship. Kindness, respect, and generally fun are the basics. if you are close to a person, teasing is alright if the person is aware. Whenever I joke around, I make sure the person knows I'm joking and I shut the fuck up if I take it too far. Sometimes, well, lately, all the time, I feel like you aren't joking. You're taking a serious thing and turning it into a 'joke'.
And I don't appreciate it.
I know my writing is fucking horrible. I know my a's, o's, u's look the same as do my q's and g's. I thought the joke about buying me some tracing packages (like the ones everyone used in kindergarten) or saying how my letters can look the same. Yet, always bringing it up and only saying "Your writing is fucking terrible."... that I don't like. I can write neater if I want, I just need my hand to catch up with my brain so it scrambles to do so, thus making it messy. Anyway, saying that is just... getting old honestly.
Today, there was also some fire drill thing and a bee flew by, near the top of my head. I freaked out, being afraid of bees (of course the irony is Debora means 'bee' in Hebrew...) and ducked. People laugh, and I get that. Sometimes, I'll get frustrated because I can't control my fear but today it was alright. What I don't like is you basically yelling at me "It's frickin 10 feet over your head Debora! Calm down!" Uhm, first off, are you blind? I could've reached up and easily touched it with my forearm. It was close to my fucking head. Secondly, I can't calm the fuck down because I AM AFRAID OF BEES.
Side rant: I hate when people tell you to calm down over something you can't control. Like me over bees and needles. "Oh, sorry guys I'm over reacting! Let me just stop worrying about this needle/bee for a second!"
ANYWAY, I'm getting side tracked. Point is, I feel like you are making fun of me without me being okay with it. I can't tell you because you'd say suck it up. THEN, the best part if when I go to make a joke that involves you... YOU GET ALL PISSY AT ME! Like in gym. I was teasing you and saying "Oh get up and do the exercise! Stop being lazy!" Then you glare at me and say "My back fucking hurts!" OKAY, sorry I can't joke about you. Don't deal what you can't take.
Fuck. I'm so glad you're probably not doing basketball. I don't need you and your mom acting like you guys know everything. It doesn't make me feel better that everything between us is a competition. Grades. Sports. Everything. You can take jokes too far and I can't even say something jokingly in an obviously joking tone.
I honestly believe that this is affecting our friendship. Whenever you go on to ramble or rant about something, I feel myself zoning out because you repeat yourself a lot and I'm just generally annoyed with you right now. I feel bad about it, I do feel like a bitch and not a good friend but then again, this may sound cheesy but after you ditched me because I was a 'loser' in Grade 3 should've proven something. People often don't change. Yes, I'm aware it's Grade 3 and I'm probably being stupid for holding something like this over your head, but oh well. I can be immature for once.
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