I'm a lost cause. Why do I even bother trying anymore? There's nothing more appealing than taking something... anything, I really don't give a fuck if it's a safety pin or a razor, and dragging it across my skin. I don't give a fuck about the damage it will cause. I don't care if my friends tell me if it's bad. I'm not dead, am I? It's how I need to cope when shit happens, and now it feels like an addiction. Either way, not giving a fuck. Today, all I've been doing is hiding behind a mask and it is quickly slipping. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to sit here in silence and hurt myself until I don't feel anything anymore. My rational side is losing, trying to reason with the fact that I have lasted now 34 days. Who cares anyway.
My headache isn't going away either, my stomach is hurting. Everything hurts. I'm so riled up, that the next thing that triggers me will be the last before I succumb tonight. I'm weak. Writing this is difficult, and affecting me a little bit. That's how triggered I am. I'm ready to snap anytime.
And I want to.
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